when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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