I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
