That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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