its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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