Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize