I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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