I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
