Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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