I must be too annoying 4 u.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will pee on everything he values.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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