im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
