I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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