I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize