I look better un-naked...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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