You're my little dorito
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
