Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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