Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
