Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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