Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
