No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
