like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
