You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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