he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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