So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
