My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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