The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
