i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
