Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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