Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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