my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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