if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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