hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
