There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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