do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
