I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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