Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just found puke in my bra..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
