Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
