Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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