apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
