guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
