i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
