Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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