hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize