I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
