I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
