I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
