Operation Purity has been aborted
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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