I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
NoShamevember. You game?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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