I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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