I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
