Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
