How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
