i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
