if i can run in heels then i can drive
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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