living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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