I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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