I love black thongs
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
