guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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