Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
