O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
