His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
