My hand turned me down
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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