In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
