I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
