Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
