Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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