What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
