Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Enjoy the penises
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize