Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I CAN MOONWALK!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
