Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
